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Jokes
Ole' and Lena moved into a new retirement community, and Ole' was invited to a guy's night out for a long poker game on Saturday night. Ole' was sure he won the first hand of the night, when he flashed his cards showing 3 Kings. As Ole' was grabbing the poker chips, Kenny said "Not so fast, I got 3 Aces." Ole' asked to see Kenny's hand, but the rest of the neighbors told Ole' that this was strictly a gentlemen's game and there was no need to show your hand due to the fact of the community trust with everyone.
When Ole' came home that night, Lena asked him how the poker night went. Ole' said, "Just great, after the first hand I never lost the rest of the night."A well dressed man was walking along in the country when he came upon a shepherd. He says,
'Listen, Mr Farmer, I bet I can guess how many sheep you have.'
The farmer starts to laugh:
'I have a lot of sheep. You'll couldn't possibly guess how many.'
'Do you want to make a bet?' asks the man. 'If I can guess how many sheep you have, you'll give me one of your sheep. If I can't, I'll pay you £500.'
The shepherd agrees: 'Ok, how many there are?'
'You have exactly 1,742 sheep,' says the man.
The shepherd is shocked: 'Incredible! I really do have 1,742 sheep! Well, a bet's a bet. Choose the sheep you want.'
'OK, I'll take this one,' says the man, picking up one of the animals.
Wait a moment, sir,' says the shepherd. 'Let's make another bet: If I can guess your job, you will give me back my sheep, and if I don't, you can take another one.' The man agrees to the bet and the shepherd
says, 'You're an accountant.'
'Unbelievable
! Well done! But how did you know?' enquires the man.
'Put my dog down, and I'll explain.'Two bored dealers are waiting around for someone to walk up and try their luck at the craps table. A very attractive lady comes in and wants to bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. The dealers agree. She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm half naked." With that she strips naked from the waist down, and rolls the dice while yelling, "Momma needs a new pair of pants!" She then begins jumping up and down and hugging each of the dealers.
"YES! I WIN! I WIN!" With that she picks up her money and clothes and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks, "What did she roll anyway?" The other answers, "I don't know. I thought YOU were watching the dice!"
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